


In Which Bones Challenges Spock to a Drink-Me-Under-the-Table Challenge and Fails Miserably

by vgersix



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Challenges, Companionable Snark, Dare, Drunkenness, Gen, M/M, Multi, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-26 16:15:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/967992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vgersix/pseuds/vgersix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The OT3 are relaxing with some drinks at the end of the day. Bones is grumpy (shock and awe) and ends up getting wasted. His fatal mistake lies in challenging Spock to a drink off. </p><p>They all end up in a dog pile on Jim's bed, whoops!</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Bones Challenges Spock to a Drink-Me-Under-the-Table Challenge and Fails Miserably

"You think the two of us can handle a drunk Vulcan?" Bones said, reaching for the bottle of tequila and pouring another round of shots.

"Doctor-" Spock cut in, the warning undercurrent in his voice unmistakable. "Are you certain another drink is wise?"

"Listen here, you pointy-eared prohibitionist," McCoy drawled, his Southern accent coming on strong, "I been drinkin' longer than you been alive, so don't tell me when I've had enough."

Jim giggled behind one hand, and reached for his drink with the other.

"Nonetheless, considering your body mass index and age, the amount of alcohol you have consumed this evening is already approaching dangerous levels. I think perhaps it would be wise to stop."

Bones lowered his glass slowly; a darkening rage behind his eyes. He looked across the table at Kirk, mouth open in shock. Jim couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing. "I think he just called you feeble, Bones!"

"Feeble?" Bones glared at Spock, a challenge in his eyes. "Who you callin' feeble?"

Spock tried to defend himself, but it was a lost cause. "Doctor, I assure you-"

"All right, Legolas; let's do this! I challenge you to a drink-off!"

Spock's brow furrowed. "What did you call m-"

Jim slammed his hands on the table, bouncing excitedly in his seat. Games always made drinking more fun, and he couldn't wait to see how this was going to turn out. "Okay boys; if you're gonna do this, we gotta set some ground rules."

Spock turned to Jim with a skeptical glance, "Captain, I really do not think-"

But Bones was already pouring more shots, clearly set on carrying out the drinking challenge.

#

One bottle of Orionic Tequila later, Bones was laid flat out on the carpet, fascinated by the recessed light fixtures overhead.

"They're just so... ya know... space-y. Good design choice."

Jim lay down next to him, munching on a bag of cheesy crisps. "Mhmm... Space. Space is fun," he giggled, rolling over to one side. "I'm for it."

Spock returned from the kitchen where he'd just finished cleaning away the discarded liquor bottles and several broken shot glasses. Apparently a certain level of intoxication resulted in the Captain's need to smash glasses to the floor while shouting, "ANOTHER!" Spock filed this away as yet another cultural absurdity of human behavior.

 _And Jim had not even included himself in the competition_ , Spock thought. He'd simply continued drinking right along with the two of them, for reasons Spock could not begin to comprehend. The human desire to imbibe excessive amounts of alcohol was simply beyond him.

As was, apparently, the ability to be affected by it in the same manner as were they.

The two drunken men heaped on the floor before him were proof enough of that.

"I assume it would be a wasted effort to inform the two of you how incredibly illogical this behavior has been?"

His voice seemed to call the two of them out of their drunken reverie. The Captain in particular was suddenly roused to sit up straight.

"Spooooockkkk..." He said, before falling back to one side with a woozy look on his face. "Ugh. Spooock... Mm too drunk, Spock."

The Vulcan's lips formed a thin line of annoyance. "Yes. I can see that, Captain."

Bones moaned from his place on the floor. "You're not drunk at all, you... you pointy..." but apparently the doctor was too far gone to come up with any clever term of degradation for the Vulcan at the moment.

Spock sighed, and went first to the captain. "The two of you cannot sleep on the floor. Allow me to place you somewhere more appropriate for sleeping." He knelt beside Jim and cradled him easily in his arms.

"Aw, Spock... You're the best." Jim nuzzled his face into the crook of Spock's arm, causing the Vulcan to stop with a jolt. But he wrote the behavior off as drunken frivolity and continued to the Captain's bedroom, depositing him gently onto the bed.

He returned to the main room and reached for the doctor. "You pick _me_ up like that; I'll kick yer green-blooded ass." McCoy managed to mumble, and Spock absolutely did not roll his eyes in irritation, although the thought did cross his mind.

"Very well then. I will employ a different technique," he said, hoisting the doctor from the floor and throwing him unceremoniously over one shoulder.

"Gah! Put me down you, aaagghhh-" McCoy resorted to wordless protestations, but was soon enough dropped onto the bed next to Jim, with slightly less tenderness.  
Spock sighed, and turned to leave. However, Jim reached out suddenly and wrapped his arms around the Vulcan's legs.

"Spooooock... staaaaaay..." he whined, rubbing his face against Spock's side.

Spock's eyebrow flew up as he looked down at the sleepy human. "Captain? I think you should sleep now."

Jim tugged at Spock's shirt in the manner of a petulant child. "Staaaay with uuuuuusssss..." Apparently one side effect of intoxication in the captain was the elongation of his vowels.

Spock considered for a moment.

Then he crawled over Jim and burrowed under the covers between the two men.

Jim rolled over, twining one arm over Spock's body in a death-grip hug.

"Aw, Spooooock, you do care..."

Bones groaned miserably from the other side of the bed. "Ugh, please God, no..."

Jim clamored over Spock and wrapped his arms around McCoy in another bear hug. "Shhhhh..." He nuzzled his face into the doctor's back and chuckled. Then he threw back his head and laughed, suddenly more sober than he had been a moment before.

"Stupid old man... He kicked your ass. You're a doctor... don't you know Vulcans can't get drunk?"

"What?!" Bones tried to free himself from Jim's tight grasp, but quickly gave up and fell back onto the bed. "I thought that was just an old-wives' tale..."

Spock turned onto his side, facing Jim's back. "No, doctor. It is indeed true that alcohol does not affect my physiology in the same manner as it does yours."

"Well, damn. Coulda told me that."

"As I am half-human, I could not be certain. Though I had reason to suspect. Now it would seem those suspicions have been confirmed."

Jim laughed, rolling onto his back. He smiled up at Spock, and then rolled over again, burrowing his face into the Vulcan's chest. Spock stiffened at the unexpected contact, but did not move away.

Jim's still drunken giggles were muffled in Spock's shirt. "So you're really gonna stay here with us all night?" He said; hot breath on Spock's chest through his shirt. The Vulcan was glad no one could see his blush in the dark room.

"It is only logical, Captain. You are both quite drunk and I do not wish for you to become ill without proper care readily available."

"Ha!" said Bones. "What a load-a bullshit."

Jim's hot breaths came again on Spock's chest as he laughed quietly.

But nothing more was said, and within moments Spock was surrounded by the soft snoring of his two drunken companions. Soon enough, he too fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> For anon, who requested mcspirk ---- "star trek: mcspirk if possible, and something hot would be cool!"
> 
> I don't know if any of this counts as "hot." Lol, more like fluffy derpitude. But I tried. *thumbs up, you tried gold star*
> 
> PS: I totally made up Orionic Tequila. Cause tequila is my kryptonite and will get me super wasted in a way that nothing else will. And I just imagine that's a concept the Orions could really get behind. ;B
> 
> *****
> 
> follow me on tumblr: [k/s blog](http://spirkian.tumblr.com/) | [personal blog](http://vgersix.tumblr.com) | [email me](mailto:vgersixwrites@gmail.com)


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